Winging it...

Just like these blogs, I'm winging my life and the decisions it entails to assure myself some sanity, happiness and well being. Every decision I want to make I have to weigh out all the factors. Do I really want that play date with that rambunctious child? But my son's happiness is put before mine and I go along. Should I feel bad as I am sitting in my kitchen writing this blog to just say that I have someone to talk to as I hear my son talking to himself, pretending he's Tony Stark playing with his own imagination... The guilt is taking over me and I have to remind myself that I am his everything and that mommy too needs just some time to herself. But I feel so bad!!
Don't! I tell myself! My sons are well fed and well taken care if. They are blessed in so many ways.
The hardest part is being so far away from your family and friends. Seven years and I still get home sick. But my family is here now and my oldest has come up to pull my hair off my shoulders and I get chills by the affection and gentleness he's offering me right now. All in the while talking to me smoothly that if I don't share my ipad, he won't share his stickers. Haha!
I have so many questions and all the answers will just be a reflection for his tomorrow. So how do I know I'm doing the right thing? If I can't stand a certain person, do I expose my son to them with limitations or do I go with the flow until he's old enough to make his own judgement?
I've found myself distant from everyone here. I don't trust, but should I make that ok for my son? Can allow him to trust?
Being in a positive environment means the world to me for my little guys. Maybe I'm sheltering them from reality, but its actually reality that I want them to face and be real people. Not superficial.
I want them to show who they are, how they feel on the outside as the inside. I trust that I'm giving them the best values, such as I know them and none other.
Theirs no text book on how to do anything. What obstacles you'll confront and the best options to get through them. But I do know this: if I follow my heart, I know the truth is there. And when I decline my heart, I only learn down the line that I should never have neglected it in the first place.
On this note, I could practically continue typing with my noes as my oldest has completely taken over my space here and mommy duty calls for me once again!

Take care all!! Feedback is much appreciated! Just inbox me your thoughts! Maybe we have something in common!!

Debbie xoxo